THE GOOD WIDOW

A debut collection of memoiristic essays that share the many shades of one woman’s grief, along with occasional moments of optimism.

Psychology professor Katz was only 45 years old when her 57-year-old husband, Tristram “Tris” Smith, suddenly died. On a Monday morning, the author was in a coffee-shop meeting with a former student, when Tris sent her a text: “May be having heart attack. Called 911. Ambulance on the way.” Unfortunately, Katz’s phone had been turned off, and by the time she received the message, it was too late. Initial shock gave way to despair and crippling grief: “After Tris died, I became cold in every sense of the word,” she writes. “Icy hardness spread across my body, inside my mind.” She barely ate, which caused her shrink physically, just as she emotionally shrank into herself. However, she attended support groups, finding comfort in common, shared experiences and learning coping mechanisms that she describes as the “tasks of grief work.” These are made up of two primary components: “to process the feelings and make meaning from the loss,” and “to learn to live a new life in which your loved one is physically absent.” At first, she was more committed to the second tenet. But six months after Tris’ death, Katz found that she became even more emotionally fragile, and she wrote a poignant letter to Tris: “Reality has sunk into my bones, having pierced my flesh, my heart, my most tender self.” Many readers who have experienced loss themselves will relate to such visceral passages, in which she puts into words the kind of gripping pain that’s often so difficult to describe; another notable moment is when she writes a letter to “Grief” itself: “A malignant virus, you’ve entered my body and overwhelmed my system by festering and multiplying.” However, in this finely wrought memoir, readers also get a sense of her journey through pain to a hopeful future. Katz also includes some occasional light touches of humor in her memoir, especially in the final section, which details the awkwardness of entering the world of online dating.

An eloquent portrait of a grieving process.