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THE FRIEND WHO GOT AWAY

TWENTY WOMEN TELL THE TRUE STORIES BEHIND THEIR BLOWUPS, BURNOUTS, AND SLOW FADES

A book to savor, despite its imperfections. But think twice before giving it to your best friend.

Offill (Last Things, 1999) and Schappell (Use Me, 2000) address the timeless topic of women’s friendships from an innovative vantage point.

In their mixed-bag but mostly captivating anthology, 20 women reflect on amities that have ended. They describe friendships of all sorts—sad, zany, co-dependent—finished off by various factors: a fight, a move, a lie, cheating, death, etc. Lesbian sex sinks some; others fall apart when one person suddenly makes a new friend. College friendships, unsurprisingly, occupy a lot of space. Emily Chenoweth describes her short, heady fling with freshman hall-mate Heather, and novelist Elizabeth Strout writes somewhat more banally about her eventual decision to drop a college pal. Nicole Keeter contributes a luminous essay about being the first black girl in a small town in Iowa and the friendship that developed between her and Gina, another African American who came to town a few years later. Vivian Gornick tells of her friend Emma, “with whom I was certain I would grow old”—a certainty that proved untrue. Kate Bernheimer’s affecting essay, although not exactly about a friend “who got away,” is one of the most satisfying pieces here. Her two best buddies easily got pregnant, while she suffered multiple miscarriages. Their three-way friendship didn’t end, exactly, but it certainly shifted and strained and fell into silence. Patricia Marx lightens the tenor of the collection with her hilarious satire “Tenure.” She strikes the single unusual note in a gathering that eventually feels repetitive. One wishes that more of the authors had moved from straightforward autobiography to reflection on the nature of friendship. The editors’ four-page foreword doesn’t provide this, and neither do many of the essays.

A book to savor, despite its imperfections. But think twice before giving it to your best friend.

Pub Date: May 17, 2005

ISBN: 0-385-51186-8

Page Count: 320

Publisher: Doubleday

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2005

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MASTERY

Readers unfamiliar with the anecdotal material Greene presents may find interesting avenues to pursue, but they should...

Greene (The 33 Strategies of War, 2007, etc.) believes that genius can be learned if we pay attention and reject social conformity.

The author suggests that our emergence as a species with stereoscopic, frontal vision and sophisticated hand-eye coordination gave us an advantage over earlier humans and primates because it allowed us to contemplate a situation and ponder alternatives for action. This, along with the advantages conferred by mirror neurons, which allow us to intuit what others may be thinking, contributed to our ability to learn, pass on inventions to future generations and improve our problem-solving ability. Throughout most of human history, we were hunter-gatherers, and our brains are engineered accordingly. The author has a jaundiced view of our modern technological society, which, he writes, encourages quick, rash judgments. We fail to spend the time needed to develop thorough mastery of a subject. Greene writes that every human is “born unique,” with specific potential that we can develop if we listen to our inner voice. He offers many interesting but tendentious examples to illustrate his theory, including Einstein, Darwin, Mozart and Temple Grandin. In the case of Darwin, Greene ignores the formative intellectual influences that shaped his thought, including the discovery of geological evolution with which he was familiar before his famous voyage. The author uses Grandin's struggle to overcome autistic social handicaps as a model for the necessity for everyone to create a deceptive social mask.

Readers unfamiliar with the anecdotal material Greene presents may find interesting avenues to pursue, but they should beware of the author's quirky, sometimes misleading brush-stroke characterizations.

Pub Date: Nov. 13, 2012

ISBN: 978-0-670-02496-4

Page Count: 320

Publisher: Viking

Review Posted Online: Sept. 12, 2012

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 1, 2012

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THINKING, FAST AND SLOW

Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our...

A psychologist and Nobel Prize winner summarizes and synthesizes the recent decades of research on intuition and systematic thinking.

The author of several scholarly texts, Kahneman (Emeritus Psychology and Public Affairs/Princeton Univ.) now offers general readers not just the findings of psychological research but also a better understanding of how research questions arise and how scholars systematically frame and answer them. He begins with the distinction between System 1 and System 2 mental operations, the former referring to quick, automatic thought, the latter to more effortful, overt thinking. We rely heavily, writes, on System 1, resorting to the higher-energy System 2 only when we need or want to. Kahneman continually refers to System 2 as “lazy”: We don’t want to think rigorously about something. The author then explores the nuances of our two-system minds, showing how they perform in various situations. Psychological experiments have repeatedly revealed that our intuitions are generally wrong, that our assessments are based on biases and that our System 1 hates doubt and despises ambiguity. Kahneman largely avoids jargon; when he does use some (“heuristics,” for example), he argues that such terms really ought to join our everyday vocabulary. He reviews many fundamental concepts in psychology and statistics (regression to the mean, the narrative fallacy, the optimistic bias), showing how they relate to his overall concerns about how we think and why we make the decisions that we do. Some of the later chapters (dealing with risk-taking and statistics and probabilities) are denser than others (some readers may resent such demands on System 2!), but the passages that deal with the economic and political implications of the research are gripping.

Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our minds.

Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2011

ISBN: 978-0-374-27563-1

Page Count: 512

Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Review Posted Online: Sept. 3, 2011

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 15, 2011

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