Tuccille has produced what may be the first X-rated guide for equity investors. In his two 1978 entries, Everything the Beginner Needs to Know to Invest Shrewdly and The Optimist's Guide to Making Money in the 1980's, he played it instructively straight. But this time out, Merrill-Lynch alumnus Tuccille purports to take readers behind the scenes of a ""typical"" brokerage firm (yclept Bull, Banks, Forbes & Trotsky) staffed by the most venal and foul-mouthed account execs this side of Leavenworth. He's not wrong in maintaining that investors' neuroses (greed, fear, guilt, etc.) contribute to whatever market reverses they suffer--nor in assuming that brokers frequently put their own financial interests before those of their clients. To make his case, though, Tuccille resorts to fictional scenarios of the grosser sort. Women, predictably, get the worst of it (""You can tell what time of month it is by the kinds of complaints you get""; ""Once you fuck them, you can kiss their business goodbye. I'm not sure yet what's more important, her pussy or her purse""); but men are not immune--""a successful broker,"" Tuccille posits, ""is usually adept at finding a client's hot button and triggering it with the use of buzz words."" The text is not entirely without redeeming merit. Among other practical suggestions, Tuccille recommends that investors do personal research and make their own stock selections, rather than allowing sharpshooters to sell them house issues of dubious merit. There is also a lengthy list of equities, grouped by industry, with suggested buying ranges for longer-term appreciation potential--plus a generous if general assortment of model portfolios. But Tuccille's penchant for making debatable points via crude and/or sick jokes limits the book's appeal to those with a keyhole interest in Wall Street operations.