THE MEASURE OF A MAN

Before a man can be a good father, he must come to terms with his own father, contends Shapiro (Counseling Psychology/Santa Clara University; When Men are Pregnant, 1987- -not reviewed) in this earnest look at the psychology of fathering. Shapiro, the father of two, shares not only his own experiences as a dad but what he's learned from his patients, men's groups, workshops, interviews, surveys, the literature on fatherhood, and even electronic bulletin boards. Central to his work is the belief that a man who wishes to be a better father must understand both his actual father and his internalized image of him, for this ``inner father'' shapes a man's emotional reactions and behavior when he himself has children. In addition to describing in considerable detail how to conduct the essential probing of the father-son relationship, Shapiro offers advice on becoming a ``good-enough'' father. He counsels men to become actively involved with their children and warns them against imitating mothers, since fathers have their own roles to play- -most importantly, the traditional male role of protecting and providing. According to Shapiro, learning fathering skills is a lifelong process, one that he divides into eight stages, beginning with preparing for one's firstborn and ending with becoming a grandfather. The single father and stepfather are covered in the section on ``Hard Fathering,'' while ``Resources for Fathers'' provides sources of further information, plus some commonly asked questions, with very short answers. Shapiro brackets his text with two deeply personal and revealing letters about fatherhood—one to his own father and one to his children. More effective as an aid to understanding one's father than as a manual on becoming a better father, and more appropriate for men with sons than for those with daughters.