TRANSFORMING THE SHAME TRIANGLE

An accessible framework for understanding shame—both within oneself and within relationships.

This book begins with some personal comments from authors Fern (a trauma and relationship expert and psychotherapist) and Cooley (a professional restorative justice facilitator and diversity awareness trainer) explaining where the ideas for the titular “Shame Triangle” originated. Fern recalls an anecdote from her personal life in which her “competing needs” reminded her of how often she thinks about herself in terms of “parts” that seem to have their own “concerns, priorities and desires.” What follows is a breakdown of the authors’ views on the key components of shame and its impact on people and relationships. They posit that shame is viewable through a triangular framework based on psychiatrist Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle, which includes the roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. Fern and Cooley’s Shame Triangle, however, includes slightly different roles, as it applies to both internal and external conflicts; these roles are the Inner Critic, Shame, and Escaper. The authors detail the strategies and behavioral impacts of each part of the triangle: Where do they come from? Why do they exist? How can we begin to address them? Each of these ideas is effectively supported by humanizing personal anecdotes and peer-reviewed academic literature. Fern and Cooley have prepared this book with accessibility in mind, seeking to ensure that even readers with limited knowledge of psychology and medicine will be able to use these strategies to start the journey toward self-understanding. They make it clear that the goal is not necessarily to change the self, but rather to work with natural inclinations to find healthier ways to resolve conflicts, both within and outside the mind. This book will be appreciated by anyone searching for new ways of understanding shame and trauma, especially for the purpose of enhancing mental stability and relationships.

A fresh, insightful take on one of our slipperiest emotions that offers readers workable pathways forward.