RESILIENCE

Raghavan blends political and religious commentary with a memoir of his battle with mental health.

The book’s opening chapter, which is set in June 1992 and details the author’s psychotic breakdown, sets the tone for Raghavan’s honest account of his battle with manic depression. This episode, combined with thwarted attempts at romance and a recent move to Nashville to attend Vanderbilt Law School, found the author poring over apocalyptic passages of the biblical Book of Revelation as if its narrative had been written directly for him. Raghavan then shifts to a theological discussion that compares Christian eschatology to Hinduism (the faith of the author’s parents) and the Bhagavad-Gita. This eclectic, almost disorienting, opening chapter is characteristic of the memoir, which combines autobiographical anecdotes and insights about mental health crises with broader commentary on religious and political topics. With advanced engineering degrees from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Johns Hopkins University (the author would drop out of law school following his manic episode), Raghavan identifies education as a driving force in his life. (Holding a doctorate in biochemistry, the author’s father left his home in India after receiving a postdoctoral fellowship at Harvard Medical School.) As the son of immigrants, Raghavan surveys the cultural juxtapositions that shaped his childhood, contrasting his fondness of Sesame Street and the National Hockey League with his family’s celebration of Hindu holidays. He also discusses how childhood traumas affected his life, particularly the death of his mother via an accidental drowning and his father’s subsequent violent relationship with the author’s stepmother. The most memorable elements of these reflections are the author’s harrowing depictions of manic depression. “Paranoia had a strong hold on me,” he writes, noting his belief that the FBI and filmmaker George Lucas “had been tracking me ever since my mother died.” An entire chapter is devoted to Isaac Asimov’s Foundation sci-fi trilogy as Raghavan blends literary analysis with a discussion of the ways in which the stories shaped his worldview, both while enmeshed in manic episodes and in the present day.

The author describes how his mental health struggles often overlapped with his fascination with religion and politics. During one episode, for instance, he became convinced that President George H.W. Bush and Secretary of State James Baker were the dragon and beast referred to in Revelation; he would later file forms with the Federal Election Commission declaring his intention to succeed George W. Bush as president. Raghavan also provides commentary on his current beliefs: Despite his Hindu upbringing, he frequently identifies with Roman Catholicism (dating back to his interest in Thomas Aquinas, spurred by a high school history class), which informs his opposition to abortion, euthanasia, and capital punishment. Raghavan concludes the work with a 32-point breakdown of his political beliefs (the author supports the decriminalization of drugs and opposes trans women’s participation in women’s sports). He’s particularly critical of the Republican Party, which, he asserts, “sold its soul to Donald Trump” amid a “racist backlash.” This political commentary, however sincere it may be, distracts from the book’s compelling autobiographical narrative, which is at its best when detailing the author’s mental health issues. The often chaotic, disorganized writing style complements Raghavan’s descriptions of paranoid, confused states.

A poignant memoir marred by unnecessary commentary on contemporary politics.