ONCE A GIRL, ALWAYS A BOY

A Texan decides to have gender-affirming surgery in this memoir.

Jeremy Ivester was born as Emily in 1989. Growing up in Austin, he wanted to be one of the boys. He loved short haircuts, male clothes, and football, playing on teams where he held his own as the only one perceived to be a girl on the field. His idyllic tomboy existence was upended in middle school, where he was excluded by classmates as his gender nonconformity became more glaring in the midst of adolescent dating culture. He was further horrified when puberty gave him breasts and curves that felt decidedly unnatural. A decadelong process of self-discovery and self-adjustment ensued. Google searches helped Jeremy put the term “asexual” to his perennially misfiring dates and lack of interest in either sex. An MTV episode of True Life on gender-affirming surgery proved a revelation—maybe he could have the masculine body he dreamed of. After much exploration and equivocation—“I don’t necessarily feel like I’m a male….None of the pronouns feel right”—top surgery and hormones allowed Jeremy’s body to reflect his gender identity, and he experienced that quintessential rite of passage: chugging brews with male buddies, shirtless. (“I felt the sticky beer all over my chin and chest,” he recalls exuberantly.) His saga, penned by his mother, Jo Ivester, and based on interviews and Jeremy’s video diary of his transition, incorporates reminiscences in both their voices and those of his father, siblings, and in-laws. It’s not a traumatic coming-out story: Jeremy’s family and co-workers were generally supportive. But there is quieter drama as they all navigate uncharted emotional territory, with Jo feeling unspoken anguish that Jeremy has decided to forgo marriage and children and young Jeremy enduring the aching loneliness that many gender-nonconforming kids feel: “My throat hurt and my chest tightened, and I felt isolated and deserted as I thought about how long it had been since I’d hung out with my teammates like when we were little kids.” The result is a heartwarming story that anyone with a complicated life and identity can relate to.

A multifaceted, rich, and moving exploration of the trans experience.