JUST DO NOTHING (FOR PARENTS)

Cognitive behavioral therapist Hardis presents an unconventional guide to responsive parenting.

The author surveys the world of parenthood from the vantage point of both a mother and a therapist, and in this book, she addresses the problems that arise when mothers and fathers allow themselves to become “distress intolerant”—or unwilling to go with the flow when facing the inevitable stressors of raising children. She advocates a kind of “do nothing” parenting, although she emphasizes that the goal isn’t apathy— “It’s to pause before doing something, because doing something is going to make an already challenging situation even harder.” Some of the problems that arise from distress intolerance will be very familiar to many parents: taking on too much, risking burnout; not allowing children to experience bad moods; talking excessively (including talking over one’s kids); not effectively listening; and so on, and she urges her readers to develop the “parenting superpowers” they need to avoid these pitfalls. The strategy she envisions centers on “learning how to co-exist with the distress so you can parent effectively and not be hijacked by the emotions you’re feeling.” Throughout her item-by-item discussion of topics such as screen time or social media (which, she says, offers “constant access to parenting ‘directives’—directives that often make [parents] feel even more stressed”), Hardis maintains a consistently friendly, authoritative tone, a valuable mixture of sympathy and firm instruction. The core of her message, amid practical advice and bullet points, is that well-intentioned parents should sometimes relax and let things happen. As such, parents at all levels of experience will find much of value in these pages.

An energetically readable revisionist plan for de-stressing child rearing.