JUST DO NOTHING

A game plan to stop being your own worst enemy.

At the beginning of her nonfiction debut, Hardis draws on her personal story as the divorced mother of three to illustrate how people create their own obstacles to well-being. “The belief that you can do hard things is called self-efficacy,” she writes, “and mine, post-divorce, was less than zero.” In these pages, she details strategies for readers to treat themselves more compassionately. She urges them to rethink an all-or-nothing approach to success, hone compassion skills, stop focusing so single-mindedly on outcomes over processes, and so on. Hardis’ guide stresses the value of letting ideas or situations breathe and taking the time to observe how they develop. Practicing patience sometimes yields an answer, even if that answer is to ignore something unpleasant rather than change it. “When we encounter distress or discomfort, it’s intuitive to try to do something to either avoid it or eradicate it in some way,” she writes. “As you’ll learn, however, that only makes it stronger and more persistent.” Writing with clarity and empathy, she argues for the importance of being not so much emotionally available as emotionally “allowable,” better skilled at recognizing and handling “big feelings,” even when they’re negative. In encouraging but forceful prose, Hardis invites the reader to analyze their own reactions and behaviors, for example: When she’s worried about her kids, her behavior is to clean the house—and its function is to decrease worry. “Don’t overthink it, and don’t judge it; simply observe it.” There’s plenty of similarly sound advice in these pages for readers to ponder.

A cleareyed call to reshape emotional responses to stress and disappointment.