HOW TO LET GO OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE

A guide that aims to help readers deal with grief in a feasible, step-by-step manner.

When DeMarco’s father died of Lou Gehrig’s disease, it was the latest in a series of losses that sent her into a depression. She decided to learn more about psychology and human behavior, which eventually led her to the psychotherapy approach known as neuro-linguistic programming, of which she later became a certified practitioner. In this book, she shares elements of this approach. Grief is a heavy topic, but in this manual, the author manages to transform it into something less abstract—something tangible that one can grasp by laying out its details. Along the way, DeMarco does a good job of providing relatable analogies; for instance, at various points, she compares self-awareness to a bag of frozen peas that one puts on a stubbed toe, and she likens grief to an infected cut. Essentially, she encourages readers to let go of pain and sorrow; to embrace the changes that come afterward; and to forgive themselves, as well as the person they’re grieving. As in other self-help guides, DeMarco includes hands-on activities that will engage readers and allow them to put the lessons into practice. Throughout, she speaks in an encouraging tone that will enable readers to face their process head-on. For example, after prompting the reader to buy a journal and write out all their feelings, she says, “If you’re going to weep into your pages, smudging ink, and curling the page corners, then do so and make your writing unapologetic.” The author also usefully broadens her definition of grief, identifying it as a loss of a relationship—whether it’s because someone died or because someone simply stepped away from the reader’s life. This allows the author to provide examples of the latter case (as when she discusses her own divorce), resulting in a nuanced view of grief that readers don’t often see.

An effective manual that offers a wide-ranging survey of the grieving process.