FETISHIZED

A former pinup model analyzes how her Asian American identity has affected her life and career.

Yu, a Taiwanese American, wanted to become part of the entertainment industry at a time when Asian American role models were few and far between. Some who were successful catered to tropes that fetishized Asian women in service to white male “Asiaphiles” invested in the “myopic, generalized belief that Asian women inherently embody traits of submissiveness and obedience.” Yu longs to embody the opposite of these traits but feels that her sexuality is the only tool she has to become the person she longs to be. She writes, “I felt the straightest path to empowerment was through courting the white male gaze.” Yu’s pursuit of success within a cultural milieu that degrades and fetishizes Asian American women traumatizes her on multiple levels. Most notably, as an up-and-coming model, she ends up at a photo shoot where the director sexually assaults her, films the encounter against her will, and releases the video publicly without her consent. The unprocessed trauma follows her through her successful career as a model, a coveted cameo in the movie The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, and a member of the all-girl Asian American rock band Nylon Pink. Yu struggles with addiction, an issue that she connects with her desire to escape both the memories of her assault and the compromises inherent in pursuing a career dedicated to appeasing the white male gaze. This is a raw memoir, and Yu expertly balances visceral, emotional scenes from her life with trenchant social criticism.

A disturbing but well-told memoir about the true costs of Asian fetishization.