RISE ABOVE THE STORY

Former criminal defense attorney Kilcoyne, a survivor of parental abuse, offers a guide to growth and recovery.

The author writes that, as a preteen in the 1980s, she had to care for her younger siblings and mentally ill mother for years while her abusive father served time in federal prison. She presents accounts in this book that will prove difficult for many readers to endure. At one point, for instance, she tells of “the first time, but certainly not the last, I felt responsible for my mother’s survival,” when she was 8 years old and her bedridden, depressed mother pressed the muzzle of a gun to her own temple. Such moments are evenly buoyed, however, with calm explorations into the human psyche, bolstered by solid references to the works of such respected researchers and clinicians as Gabor Maté and Bessel van der Kolk. Her warm, conversational style creates an inviting space for readers to contemplate the sadness and the science of trauma. She insightfully describes the “tightly woven yarns of untruths” that cause people to get “tangled up in [their] stories.” But Kilcoyne maintains an encouraging, motivational tone throughout, and the “Let’s Sum It Up” and “Now It’s Your Turn” sections effectively complement each instructive chapter with prompts to help readers apply what they’ve learned to their own realities. She asserts that the key to healing is having the ability to forgive past transgressions. Kilcoyne refreshingly notes, however, that abusive parents must also take responsibility for their own actions. In addition, she astutely points out that feelings of shame, such as the kind she felt when she was forced to beg neighbors for grocery money, don’t fade without forgiveness. Kilcoyne tells of how her later success as a lawyer didn’t keep her from feeling terrified of being alone. “The trauma didn’t happen because we deserved it,” she writes, but she notes that this fact won’t stop one’s brain from making it seem so. Overcoming such thinking is hard work, and in this book, Kilcoyne helps to demonstrate how that’s possible.

A well-reasoned and highly accessible manual for overcoming past trauma and attaining truly unlimited lives.