MIDNIGHT WATER

MacLean explores the transformative potential of psychedelics in this debut memoir.

In consistently thoughtful, meditative, and affable prose, the author, a research neuroscientist, recounts her years volleying between a wide array of emotional landscapes. The book poignantly begins with the death of her sister, Rebecca, at 29 years of age from breast cancer, a disease MacLean considers “our special family curse” as it’s afflicted many family members of both sexes. The author recalls that the heartbreaking event “shocked me out of my complacency” and spurred a desperate need to “confront my shadow, those things I was hiding from everyone, including myself.” This endeavor included the use of psychedelic drugs to not only ease her grief but open herself to processing her bittersweet, problematic relationships with her father, Richard, a corporate attorney, and her sister, to whom she dedicates the book. As a 19-year-old student at Dartmouth College, MacLean began experimenting with mushrooms, psychoactive plants which proved physically and emotionally therapeutic and eventually “walked with me through many a dark night” unearthing suppressed childhood trauma involving abuse from her father. These breakthroughs inspired MacLean to excel as a psychedelic researcher at Johns Hopkins University, conducting psilocybin behavioral trials. The author describes a long itinerary of Zen retreats, psychedelic conferences, mushroom ceremonies, MDMA research, and “spiritual tight-rope walks” which solidified her belief in psychedelic therapies, resolved her mental trauma, and, she asserts, even made her a more well-rounded mother to her two children. MacLean branched outward to share the scope of her knowledge and research into psychedelics with others who struggled with relationships, grief, and self-love. Refreshingly candid throughout the narrative, the author also discusses the nuances of her work in psychedelic therapy, vividly describing how her clients’ psilocybin journeys can become life-altering experiences for them.

A cathartic chronicle of an alternative medicine researcher’s liberating psychedelic healing.