TOGETHER WE ARE NORMAL

A shared memoir of a relationship that spans decades.

When Dowdney phoned Scheldt in 2001, 30 years after she last saw him, she was more than just pleasantly surprised. Dowdney was once the love of her life, and his sudden call opened up the possibility of reconnection. Dowdney had been in the Alcoholics Anonymous program and wanted to atone for his behavior and involvement with drugs and alcohol during their relationship, which prompted Scheldt to leave him in 1971. He extended an invitation for Scheldt and her husband to visit him at his home in South Carolina, but she ended up going there on her own. After many conversations, shared meals, and get-togethers with friends they had in common, they realized they still had romantic feelings for each other, so Scheldt suggested that they write this book together: “We would tell our story if for no other purpose than to hold on to the thread.” The book has two parts, one for each author, and both make clear how they grew up in difficult situations in which violence was part of their everyday lives. Overall, the work is well paced, and over the course of the narrative, they speak honestly about their love for each other but also about their failures, mistakes, fears, and insecurities. The book also includes many sobering moments involving separation, addiction recovery, and family life. Their book revisits various times in their relationship to examine what it means to have a deep connection to someone—one that endures through marriages, divorces, children, and career changes. Sometimes, however, the authors’ perspectives come across as somewhat idealized, in the sense that both narratives imply that they were fated to be together. Still, the accounts do show their relationship as being passionate, adventurous, and profound, because, as Dowdney writes, “We did it all…we had held on to each other like lifelines on a sailboat in heavy seas.”

A revealing account of long-lasting love.