YOU’RE ON FIRE, IT’S FINE

Empathetic and practical advice for parenting teens with emotional challenges.

May is a licensed professional adolescent mental health counselor whose practice focuses on high-risk teens, a calling rooted in her own recovery from family dysfunction and self-destructive behavior as a teen and young adult. She combines her professional and personal perspectives (her own child struggled with depression) to provide parents who feel “overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward” with an “instruction manual for raising kids like me.” The author explains how dangerous and impulsive behaviors can be coping mechanisms for emotionally sensitive teens (dubbed “Fire Feelers”) and asserts that understanding children’s underlying pain is the first step toward helping them manage overwhelming feelings. She advises parents to let go of judgment—including self-judgment—and model healthy behavior and self-care, and provides practical techniques for handling difficult interactions and managing stress. Throughout the text, stories from May’s own life and counseling practice provide relatable examples of important concepts. Sidebars titled “Parent Like a Therapist” and “Top Takeaways” highlight and summarize key points. The author lays out psychological concepts and coping strategies simply and clearly, making them easy to understand and apply for even the most stressed-out parent. She is frank and matter-of-fact, making blunt statements like, “Listen up, buttercup... yelling doesn’t work” and “Looking for a quick fix? You won’t find it here.” She is also candid about failures, challenges, and potential setbacks, advising parents that it’s essential to be prepared for “your teen’s behavior to trigger and test you” and warning that the process of stopping a behavior may cause it to escalate temporarily. While acknowledging it isn’t easy, May shows parents how to go beyond “doing damage control” and become proactive. Parents will find a lifeline in May’s conviction that “You can repair your relationship with your teen, no matter what you’ve been through.”

Help and hope for parents who struggle with their teens’ risky behaviors.