FRIENDS MATTER, FOR LIFE

An upbeat manifesto on the importance of friendship and the fundamental principles that make it thrive.

Horn, a psychology researcher and professor, contends that satisfying friendships are the cornerstone of a happy, healthy life—and yet, contemporary society “faces a pressing loneliness crisis.” In her first book, she shows readers how to “navigate the complex and sometimes murky waters of adult friendships.” The first chapter gives an overview of what the author calls “dynamic friendship”; i.e., close, meaningful relationships that create an exchange of positive energy. In each chapter, Horn explores fundamental friendship tenets: Recognizing (the different types of friendships), Communicating, Accepting, Blending (combining different friend groups), Safeguarding (building trust and loyalty), Reciprocating, Recalibrating (changing or ending friendships), and Self-friending. Each tenet comprises several basic principles. For example, Reciprocating includes “exchange time generously,” “tune in and truly listen,” and “express your gratitude,” among others. The author briefly describes each principle and prompts the reader to envision it and reflect on it. The guide concludes with a final recap and several pages of notes. Horn’s inspirational tone empowers readers to “reverse the trend of declining adult friendships.” Her writing is warm, vivid, and heartfelt: “Friends are the family we choose for ourselves, becoming increasingly precious as we age. They are our pillars of support, our sources of joy, and our lifelines in times of need.” While acknowledging that “the intricacies of adult friendships can be challenging,” Horn’s advice focuses more on the why than the how. She encourages the reader to connect “with an open heart, free from jealously or resentment”—an admirable sentiment that’s unfortunately much easier said than done. And while the need for friendship is universal, and the book advocates cultivating diverse friends, its frame of reference seems exclusively upper-middle-class American, replete with scenarios like spontaneous road trips, winery tours, high-paying jobs, yoga, and brunch. Ultimately, though, its message—“Be your own best friend, and let the magic of true friendship unfold in your life”—is timeless.

An instructive celebration of close, meaningful friendships.