THE PLACE BETWEEN OUR PAINS

An annus horribilis of unrelenting health crises.

As this memoir opens, 34-year-old Ramsey, the author of two books on Christian theology, embarks on a triumphant pilgrimage—a summer road trip to revisit the national parks of her childhood, finally healthy enough after years of chronic illness and complex PTSD to trace “the roots of [her] resilience.” She visits a hot spring, skinny-dips in the ocean, and she writes about her family of origin, for whom her feelings are complicated; she’s grateful to her parents for instilling in her a love of the outdoors, but a mysterious abuser, also a family member, is responsible for much of her early childhood trauma. Ramsey plans further adventures, but the universe has other plans. A blown vein leads to the placement of a port in her chest, which in turn leads to life-threatening anaphylactic episodes, mysterious autoimmune crises, and humiliating dependence on her husband, mother-in-law, and parents. Her prose oscillates between transcendent nature writing and raw, darkly comic medical diary entries—especially well done is a passage in which she describes the effects on her mood of high-dose steroids (“Satan’s Little Tic Tacs”). It can be difficult to convey medical trauma on the page, but Ramsey succeeds in part because her determination to derive meaning from suffering is profound. As a trauma-informed counselor, she coaches her clients to build “tools for externalization, containment, and grounding to rebuild their sense of agency,” and she struggles admirably to heed her own advice. Although some writerly flourishes overreach, and the spiritual framework may not resonate with all, the author’s candor and dedication to taking something positive from her experience combine to create a memoir that’s simultaneously devastating and life-affirming. “I have not been able to transcend trauma,” Ramsey writes, “but I have been able to receive love in its midst.”

A gutsy, harrowing narrative of chronic illness.