THE AUSTRALIAN ALTERNATIVE

Odie Faulk had been disgruntled for some time about the decline of the quality of life in America because of crime, drugs, student riots, assassinations, corruption, inflation, etc., before Oklahoma State gave him a sabbatical to investigate the Australian alternative. This is a meal by meal, motel by motel, excursion by excursion travelogue of his family's summer vacation Down Under--the vacation that convinced him that even despite our liberals and hippies, this country is still the greatest place this side of an all-white, all-Christian heaven. Because, though he applauds the Australians' right to racism (""a majority of the voters apparently were racists--and in a democracy they should be represented by a racist""), he deplores their coffee. Other major complaints: no central heating, no water with meals, tough steaks, automobiles driving on the wrong side of the road. Systematic inquiries among the emigrant members of American-Australian clubs indicated ""they have the same problems we have without the same high standard of living--and the country is filled with foreigners."" He concluded that there's a subtle difference about Americans, ""a look that said they owned the earth."" Which goes to prove: you can lead a provincial bigot to the grass on the other side of the fence, but you can't make him think.