ENTRENCHED

A sexual abuse survivor discusses how repressed trauma affected her life and relationships in this memoir.

“I cannot help you if you want him back”—these were the words of Blakemore’s therapist when she disclosed her intentions to return to her domineering, self-centered partner. Throughout her life, the author, who worked in real estate, had been attracted to “dangerous” older men. Married to Tony and with four children, Blakemore had an affair with her boss—a turbulent relationship that, the author reveals, ended with him raping her. Blakemore reconciled with Tony but was soon captivated by Jack, a married property developer 14 years her senior. Jack, too, was manipulative and selfish, but Blakemore remained hypnotized. Jack and the author eventually divorced their spouses. After their engagement, she recounts that she experienced a dream that unlocked repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her uncle. Blakemore began to understand the motives behind her damaging relationship choices. Meanwhile, Jack, whom the author married, was reticent in supporting her. At the moment their relationship was crumbling, he moved in with a male friend accused of possessing child pornography. Blakemore’s story is recalled with the aim of giving courage to others who have buried their history of abuse. Her approach to writing is fluidly conversational yet searingly frank: “Tony was kind and sensitive….He loved me, but none of that mattered. Jack’s flirtatiousness made me feel privileged.” The author doesn’t ask readers to condone her choices but rather to accompany her on her journey of self-understanding. Reflecting on her realization that past trauma had a serious impact on her adult life, she asserts: “It became clear that my trauma was not just the abuse. The part of my relationship with my uncle that had affected me just as much was the abandonment.” The memoir powerfully delineates how repressed memories of abuse can shape unhealthy relationships in adulthood. While this book will encourage others to follow Blakemore’s lead in seeking help to heal, it ends somewhat abruptly. Many readers will be disappointed not to discover more about the author’s post-Jack life along with more detailed reflections on her past experiences and actions. Insufficient attention is paid to unpacking how Blakemore’s healing allowed her to forge new, healthy relationships. This is a well-written work, but it could use more elaboration.

A courageous and inspirational, if underdeveloped, account of a survivor’s odyssey.