SECONDS

A tabloid-style new novel by the author of the best-selling Funny, You Don't Look Like a Grandmother--this one about New York society Susies-come-lately, all the second wives of Donald Trump clones, who must walk a tightrope when a secret from their past rears its ugly head. The ""Seconds"" are: Sienna Marshall, queen of the charity circuit and wife of the surprisingly nice billionaire Peter, who doesn't mind that Sienna once bared all in LA. porno flicks; Anne Burrows, a real-estate tycoon who's in constant competition with her egotistical husband, Casey, and who's also the mother of three (though ""Of all her jobs, motherhood was the most boring""); and tiny Bronwyn Ashter, married to the rich but lumpish Harold, whose shopping malls she's in charge of renting out in between sessions in front of the mirror surveying her acne pits. All the women are the protÉgÉs of septuagenarian Virginia Payne North, a widow who's dedicated herself to teaching the Seconds how to get along, imparting such wisdoms as ""Sex might get a man to bed, but only style could keep him."" But when lonely Virginia takes a shine to Gregory Sawyer, the Seconds get tense, since Gregory knows how they ""accidentally"" caused the death of a fellow schoolgirl back in 1961. Blackmail's his game, of course, which the Seconds ingeniously thwart by either telling their husbands the truth about the past, suing for divorce, or attempting suicide. Despite Wyse's flair for snappy one-liners, this is a tasteless exercise, buzzing with brand names and apparently mainly intended to feed the public's appetite for the down-and-dirty on the craven rich.