HEALING WITHOUT FORGIVING

Barrett, a trauma survivor who was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder in 1992, explores a hopeful healing process in this nonfiction book.

The author, informed by such therapeutic approaches as inner child work and Internal Family Systems therapy, asserts that recovery can occur independently of forgiveness. To embark on a “hero’s journey” toward healing, she says, readers must set a healing intention, which she describes as “your compass that leads you through the trees to the forest that is a happy, healthy, whole life.” Barrett also discusses structural dissociation, a theory in which “Apparently Normal Parts” of the psyche facilitate everyday life while “Emotional Parts” keep memories and pain of abuse hidden. Survivors, she writes, may have multiple identities, or “alters,” which can be identified and integrated with the help of a trauma-informed therapist. Self-forgiveness, she says, allows survivors to let go of feelings of blame and shame, and forming new friendships provides crucial support. Barrett discusses the difference between bilateral forgiveness (in which “the offender acknowledges, repents, and makes amends before forgiveness occurs”) and unilateral forgiveness (in which the survivor “does the work of forgiving” solo). Readers also learn about the Healing Wheel, a visual framework that outlines seven core areas. Experiencing gratitude, feeling compassion, and embracing spirituality are several signs of progress, she says, and she concludes by reminding readers that although one’s healing journey changes, it never ends. Barrett notes upfront that she lacks formal psychological training, but her approach to her subject is a refreshing and compassionate one. Rather than framing forgiveness as the only avenue toward healing, she posits that healing is “the container within which forgiving may or may not occur.” Frameworks like the Healing Wheel reassure survivors that it’s a nonlinear, ongoing series of events, and real-life stories from fellow survivors ably illustrate various aspects of it. Barrett effectively offers survivors a variety of exercises to process trauma and difficult emotions, involving such activities as writing, physical movement, and listening to music. She also includes an appendix for Christians grappling with religious messages around forgiveness.

A fresh and sympathetic contribution to trauma recovery literature.