THE 3 THINGS

Teacher and activist Boxey frames recovery from addiction as a communal effort in this nonfiction guide.

The author grew up with an alcoholic father and had her own “party girl” era that began when she was a teen. These facts are related: the trauma of her childhood led to her own less-than-healthy choices as a young adult. As Boxey began her own journey to recovery, she found these words of her father’s, which her family had adopted as a credo, could serve as her guide: “You are part of a family. Be true to yourself. Glorify God in all that you do.” In this book, she expands upon these principles for those seeking sobriety. Family, she argues, is a product of our hardwired need to connect; addiction, on the other hand, is often the result of individualism run amok. Boxey asserts: “We’re attempting to meet needs that can’t be met alone, no matter how hard we try. Instead of asking for help, we turn to comforts and coping tools, or self-medication.” For the author, “family” extends beyond her family of origin to include all of humanity. Boxey posits that being in good relationships with others begins with living one’s values fully, without fear or shame, and without lies. As for glorifying God, the author explicitly states that this “is not a Christian book.” Here, “God” means higher power—or, as Alcoholics Anonymous puts it, “a power greater than ourselves.” (Among the exercises offered at the end of each chapter is one designed to help those raised without religion to define what a “higher power” might mean for them.) Boxey is a gentle coach; she recognizes that habits we may regard as bad might have begun as adaptive traits—that is, behaviors that, at some point in our lives, helped us to survive. She is also refreshingly honest about the fact that she is speaking from a place of imperfection: One section of the book is called “THE LIBERATING EXPERIENCE OF BEING A FUCKUP.”

A heartening guidebook for finding healing through connection with one’s core values and with the world.