FROM DARKNESS TO DAWN

A debut memoir traces how one woman ended a 13-year struggle with postpartum depression through therapy and religious faith.

Orcutt, a former occupational therapist in Massachusetts, plunged into what she calls “the deepest and darkest spiral of my life” after the birth of her second child. The author sensitively probes how her extreme postpartum depression brought up unaddressed traumas from her past, including her sense of being an unworthy replacement for her dead older sister, as well as memories of sexual abuse when she was 7 years old. Orcutt had long wrestled with eating disorders, and had also turned to alcohol and cutting herself for a time. For her depression, she underwent 20 electroshock treatments, took medication, and pursued talk therapy. The shock treatments and drugs failed to help her, though, and she was given a diagnosis of “severe medicine resistant clinical depression.” In total, she would have six stays in mental hospitals, where she was placed on suicide watches. One thing that did help, she says, was her therapy—the book is dedicated in part to her therapist, who became her “lifeline” and was the first to give her the idea for this writing project. Journaling, yoga, and her strong Christian faith were further sources of succor. This book has relatively few instances of reconstructed scenes and dialogue, compared with most other memoirs. Instead, it’s heavy on self-analysis, which is unsurprising, given its origin in therapy sessions. However, the author also uses recurring oceanic metaphors—a tidal wave, swimming, drowning, and so on—to very good effect: “Although I was still adrift in the deep ocean, I sensed I was no longer a lone castaway in my journey.” Ultimately, Orcutt conveys a clear sense of how depression affected her relationship with her family—noting, for example, that at one point her husband “essentially became both ‘mom and dad’ for our daughters”—while also charting her progression from rock bottom to tentative healing.

An analytical remembrance that will likely empower and reassure Christian readers who are battling depression themselves.