WAITING FOR DAWN

Surviving hard times.

By the time former Obama adviser Lee contracted long Covid, she had already suffered multiple losses. Her mother died of breast cancer after suffering for years from initially undiagnosed multiple sclerosis. Four of her cousins died from disease, gun violence, and domestic violence. Lee herself experienced infertility and pregnancy loss before adopting her son. Still, when she was diagnosed with long Covid, she found herself coping with a new kind of loss she calls “Gray Grief.” She writes, “At its core, Gray Grief is a sustained period of pain—whether mental, physical, or both—and uncertainty about how to find your way out of it.” According to Lee, Gray Grief is a “murky” time when “things you previously took for granted suddenly become overwhelming or virtually impossible.” The author says that her journey through chronic illness has taught her lessons: “If I am honest, I did not want to have a physical disability. My resistance was rooted in deep-seated ableism. Anything that weakened me or made me vulnerable didn’t match the identity I built.” She contextualizes these lessons within her own identity as a lifelong caretaker whose condition forces her to admit that “Not everything can be fixed, some things simply have to be endured.” From giving oneself permission to “flake” from responsibilities and practice imperfection, to creating healthy boundaries and getting into the habit of asking for help, Lee’s advice is rooted in the idea that putting yourself first is the ultimate act of care. Her intimate, compassionate, and optimistic voice makes the book a fast-paced, satisfying read, even if some of her suggestions are fairly standard.

Useful advice on coping with loss.