STEPFATHERING: Stepfathers' Advice on Creating a New Family

Through interviews, Rosin has put together a useful compendium of problems faced by stepfathers. There are enough different situations and opinions to give one a good feel for the sometimes treacherous terrain into which many have ventured unprepared. Armed with this manual, they would have been forewarned and better able to navigate the shoals of love and the stepfamily. Rosin himself is a stepfather who was never a biological father. So, unlike some of the men in the book, he was doubly unprepared. However, even those who had paternal experience did not find living with stepchildren an unrelieved pleasure. On the contrary, often four to six years are needed before a modus viviendi is achieved. Problems are many--money, discipline, child support, her kids and his kids, the other father--and are intimidating to all but the hardiest lover. Some manage this rite of passage, but others stagger under the load. One man complained of the return of a 30-year-old stepchild to the nest and told of how it made him think of divorce. Patience, self-awareness and a sense of humor can help, but it is still not enough. With the emergence of more stepfamilies, it is important that people develop an appreciation of what they are facing. Sensitive, reassuring, and good company for those searching for help. Where better to get it than from men who've weathered the storm and come through?