BAKED

Take it from Smith (Salty, 2007, etc.): Winning Amsterdam’s coveted Cannabis Cup can be harmful to your health.

Miro Basinas thinks of himself as an underground botanist, with a B.A. from UC Davis, or a gentleman farmer. Once his smooth, mellow Elephant Crush runs away with top honors in Amsterdam, an ambitious entrepreneur named Vincent and his Irish/Salvadoran associate Shamus Noriega start to think of him as competition. California’s Compassion Centers, which Vincent owns and Shamus supplies with medical marijuana, is doing a brisk business they have no intention of sharing. In their haste to steal Vincent’s stash and his prizewinning seeds, drive him out of business and shoot him dead, they don’t care about knocking other pieces off the board. Their depraved indifference poses various threat levels to virginal Mormon elder Daniel Lamb, watercolorist Barry White, fading but sexy singer Aimée LeClerq and Fran, an Emergency Medical Technician who believes firmly in women on top. Several unfortunates are smoked, along with a good deal of primo weed, and everyone inhales. Meantime, Marianna, a Portuguese scientist Miro celebrated his big Amsterdam win by impregnating, jets out to Los Angeles to reunite with the unsuspecting father, wondering anxiously: “Was he stubborn? Would he convert to metric for her?”

Forget the muted ending and enjoy the ride, which is as cockeyed and riotous as Carl Hiaasen on really good dope.