THANK YOU FOR THE GIANT SEA TORTOISE: And Other Unforeseen Results of New York Magazine Competitions

So You've Been Chosen Thane of Cawdor. . ."" is one entry in the Greeting Card compartment of the fun-house contests which have appeared in New York magazine. Witty citizens both pro and amateur have taken on the challenges offered by Fractured Definitions -- Buffet is a gay shoeshine boy; Odd Couples -- Tippy and Albert Camus; Final Film Dialogue -- Sci-Fic: ""Don't cry, Timmy, the giant mollusk wasn't really happy in the big city. . .""; Names and Occupations -- Sonya Papermoon, Scenic Designer; or Letters to the Editor -- ""Dear Dr. Franzblau, I am married to a wonderful man who is keeping a wonderful mistress. . . ."" Glittering, erudite parody, shameless burlesques, puns and spoonerisms and then the limericks as say -- ""The city's a gem; why ignore it?/ Acclaim it, enjoy it, explore it./ Take a walk, day or dark,/ Any street, any park -- / I Sacher-Masoch adore it."" A picnic of enlightened buffunery fit for any palate (a treacherous cannibal?), and best antidote (loving aunt?) to the recent dearth of mirth.