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DATING RADAR

WHY YOUR BRAIN SAYS YES TO "THE ONE" WHO WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL

A thorough, if sometimes thoroughly cynical, account of the perils of forming relationships with those who thrive on drama.

A relationship manual intended to help the unwary avoid the land mines that litter the dating landscape.

Eddy (It’s All Your Fault!, 2012) and Hunter (Bait & Switch, 2015) collaborate in this dating survival guide that consists of one-tenth hope and nine-tenths somber warnings. Specifically, they focus on what they term “high-conflict people” (or “HCPs”), who “tend toward all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, extreme behaviors or threats, and blaming others.” The bulk of the book is devoted to helping readers identify HCPs, preferably before any deep emotional or financial commitments have been made. “Many of us have blinders on when it comes to love,” the authors write, and their advice is intended to remove those blinders by asking simple, straightforward questions and identifying various types of HCPs, including the “Narcissistic HCP,” the “Histrionic HCP,” and even the “Antisocial (Sociopathic) HCP.” Using lightly fictionalized stories as cases in point, Eddy and Hunter effectively lead readers through a labyrinth of conflict-addicted individuals, most of whom actively try to hide their natures using techniques that the authors lay out in clinical detail. Indeed, readers are never for a moment allowed to let their guards down: “HCPs thrive when they are able to control their fears,” readers are told in a representative passage. “How do they do this? They use you!” The authors further complicate the picture with biomedical factors such as bipolar disorder, chemical addiction, and PTSD. Overall, Eddy and Hunter offer a very frank discussion of the ways that readers make themselves vulnerable by intentionally refusing to think clearly about their own blind spots. Much of the advice in this book may strike readers as simple common sense, such as that people should wait a while before committing to serious sexual relationships, for instance, and that they should beware of people who curse at them. But taken with a grain of salt, it all makes for an intriguing cautionary tale.

A thorough, if sometimes thoroughly cynical, account of the perils of forming relationships with those who thrive on drama.

Pub Date: Aug. 15, 2017

ISBN: 978-1-936268-12-2

Page Count: 238

Publisher: Unhooked Books

Review Posted Online: Sept. 7, 2017

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HOW NOT TO HATE YOUR HUSBAND AFTER KIDS

A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...

Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.

Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.

A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.

Pub Date: March 21, 2017

ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6

Page Count: 272

Publisher: Little, Brown

Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017

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DAD'S MAYBE BOOK

A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.

Ruminations and reminiscences of an author—now in his 70s—about fatherhood, writing, and death.

O’Brien (July, July, 2002, etc.), who achieved considerable literary fame with both Going After Cacciato (1978) and The Things They Carried (1990), returns with an eclectic assembly of pieces that grow increasingly valedictory as the idea of mortality creeps in. (The title comes from the author’s uncertainty about his ability to assemble these pieces in a single volume.) He begins and ends with a letter: The initial one is to his first son (from 2003); the terminal one, to his two sons, both of whom are now teens (the present). Throughout the book, there are a number of recurring sections: “Home School” (lessons for his sons to accomplish), “The Magic Show” (about his long interest in magic), and “Pride” (about his feelings for his sons’ accomplishments). O’Brien also writes often about his own father. One literary figure emerges as almost a member of the family: Ernest Hemingway. The author loves Hemingway’s work (except when he doesn’t) and often gives his sons some of Papa’s most celebrated stories to read and think and write about. Near the end is a kind of stand-alone essay about Hemingway’s writings about war and death, which O’Brien realizes is Hemingway’s real subject. Other celebrated literary figures pop up in the text, including Elizabeth Bishop, Andrew Marvell, George Orwell, and Flannery O’Connor. Although O’Brien’s strong anti-war feelings are prominent throughout, his principal interest is fatherhood—specifically, at becoming a father later in his life and realizing that he will miss so much of his sons’ lives. He includes touching and amusing stories about his toddler sons, about the sadness he felt when his older son became a teen and began to distance himself, and about his anguish when his sons failed at something.

A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.

Pub Date: Oct. 14, 2019

ISBN: 978-0-618-03970-8

Page Count: 384

Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

Review Posted Online: July 27, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 2019

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