SHAME ON YOU

A memoir and guidebook about recovering from shame.

Years ago, after her employer discovered that she used to work in the sex industry, Petro was demoted from her job as a teacher in the South Bronx. Petro, now a freelance writer, resigned amid “unrelenting humiliation.” More recently, when her special-needs son was exiled from the public school system, she wrestled with shame and feeling “like a pariah.” Loneliness often begets shame, Petro explains, which is why she repeatedly emphasizes the importance of connection. “Let’s get our shame out there on the table,” she writes, “and pick over its carcass, together.” The author interweaves her personal story with revelations gleaned from interviews with “real women talking about their self-conscious feelings and fears of inadequacy”; a broad look at the cultural roots of woman shaming; and a multifaceted approach to personal and collective healing. “Recovery isn’t a straight line,” writes the author. “I think of recovery and shame resilience as synonymous. Both are a struggle to trust people in a world where people have proven themselves untrustworthy.” Petro divides the book into two sections: “Identifying Shame” includes chapter headings such as “Perfect Monsters: How Society Weaponizes Shame Against Women,” and “Overcoming Shame” contains chapters such as “First Comes (Self) Love: Putting Ourselves First” and “Happier Endings: We Are More Than Monogamy and Mothering.” Though spirited and encouraging, the text suffers somewhat from repetition—e.g., “Here’s what we can all do to reclaim ourselves and banish shame: start to tell our own truths” and “The cure is telling and claiming our stories.” Petro’s primary qualifications are her experiences, dogged curiosity, and commitment to spreading compassion and understanding about shame and its many ramifications in the lives of women.

An earnest and sincere book fueled by a clear belief in sharing as a means of catharsis.