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TO BE HONEST

A memoir that shows that while truth doesn’t always mean beauty, there’s something to be said for beautiful liars, too.

An obsessive search for honesty that becomes an emotional minefield.

In this uneven but oddly absorbing book, Leviton unapologetically reveals what raw honesty looks and feels like. The author was raised in a household he dubs “a little honesty cult,” in which he was encouraged by his parents to always tell the truth, no matter how painful or embarrassing the circumstances. “My parents…argued that children are born honest,” he writes, “that we revel in self-expression until parents, teachers, and friends punish or shame our honesty away.” Leviton divides his journey into three distinct parts, starting with the inevitable conflicts he inspired in other schoolchildren and the rather bizarre “family therapy camp” that would result in his parents’ divorce. Armed with a creative spark, a flair for the ukulele, and an arch sense of humor often misunderstood by others, the author landed in New York City trying to find work as a writer. This middle part is poignant but also quite painful to read, as the author describes his experiences in a relationship with the love of his life at the time, a graphic artist who regularly broke up with him. Eventually, Leviton decided that the only way to break the poisonous cycle of truth that handicapped him in many ways was to learn to lie. “My early lies,” he writes, “were simple attempts to misrepresent myself as normal,” merely pieces of his “experimentation with dishonesty.” Add to these experiences some peculiar drama on the side—e.g., Leviton philosophically arguing with an armed mugger or accidentally inspiring an orgy—and readers will get the literary equivalent of a radio program they stumbled across but can’t turn off, albeit with the edited parts left in this time.

A memoir that shows that while truth doesn’t always mean beauty, there’s something to be said for beautiful liars, too.

Pub Date: Jan. 5, 2021

ISBN: 978-1-4197-4305-4

Page Count: 304

Publisher: Abrams

Review Posted Online: March 14, 2020

Kirkus Reviews Issue: April 1, 2020

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I'M GLAD MY MOM DIED

The heartbreaking story of an emotionally battered child delivered with captivating candor and grace.

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The former iCarly star reflects on her difficult childhood.

In her debut memoir, titled after her 2020 one-woman show, singer and actor McCurdy (b. 1992) reveals the raw details of what she describes as years of emotional abuse at the hands of her demanding, emotionally unstable stage mom, Debra. Born in Los Angeles, the author, along with three older brothers, grew up in a home controlled by her mother. When McCurdy was 3, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Though she initially survived, the disease’s recurrence would ultimately take her life when the author was 21. McCurdy candidly reconstructs those in-between years, showing how “my mom emotionally, mentally, and physically abused me in ways that will forever impact me.” Insistent on molding her only daughter into “Mommy’s little actress,” Debra shuffled her to auditions beginning at age 6. As she matured and starting booking acting gigs, McCurdy remained “desperate to impress Mom,” while Debra became increasingly obsessive about her daughter’s physical appearance. She tinted her daughter’s eyelashes, whitened her teeth, enforced a tightly monitored regimen of “calorie restriction,” and performed regular genital exams on her as a teenager. Eventually, the author grew understandably resentful and tried to distance herself from her mother. As a young celebrity, however, McCurdy became vulnerable to eating disorders, alcohol addiction, self-loathing, and unstable relationships. Throughout the book, she honestly portrays Debra’s cruel perfectionist personality and abusive behavior patterns, showing a woman who could get enraged by everything from crooked eyeliner to spilled milk. At the same time, McCurdy exhibits compassion for her deeply flawed mother. Late in the book, she shares a crushing secret her father revealed to her as an adult. While McCurdy didn’t emerge from her childhood unscathed, she’s managed to spin her harrowing experience into a sold-out stage act and achieve a form of catharsis that puts her mind, body, and acting career at peace.

The heartbreaking story of an emotionally battered child delivered with captivating candor and grace.

Pub Date: Aug. 9, 2022

ISBN: 978-1-982185-82-4

Page Count: 320

Publisher: Simon & Schuster

Review Posted Online: May 30, 2022

Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 1, 2022

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BETWEEN THE WORLD AND ME

NOTES ON THE FIRST 150 YEARS IN AMERICA

This moving, potent testament might have been titled “Black Lives Matter.” Or: “An American Tragedy.”

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The powerful story of a father’s past and a son’s future.

Atlantic senior writer Coates (The Beautiful Struggle: A Father, Two Sons, and an Unlikely Road to Manhood, 2008) offers this eloquent memoir as a letter to his teenage son, bearing witness to his own experiences and conveying passionate hopes for his son’s life. “I am wounded,” he writes. “I am marked by old codes, which shielded me in one world and then chained me in the next.” Coates grew up in the tough neighborhood of West Baltimore, beaten into obedience by his father. “I was a capable boy, intelligent and well-liked,” he remembers, “but powerfully afraid.” His life changed dramatically at Howard University, where his father taught and from which several siblings graduated. Howard, he writes, “had always been one of the most critical gathering posts for black people.” He calls it The Mecca, and its faculty and his fellow students expanded his horizons, helping him to understand “that the black world was its own thing, more than a photo-negative of the people who believe they are white.” Coates refers repeatedly to whites’ insistence on their exclusive racial identity; he realizes now “that nothing so essentialist as race” divides people, but rather “the actual injury done by people intent on naming us, intent on believing that what they have named matters more than anything we could ever actually do.” After he married, the author’s world widened again in New York, and later in Paris, where he finally felt extricated from white America’s exploitative, consumerist dreams. He came to understand that “race” does not fully explain “the breach between the world and me,” yet race exerts a crucial force, and young blacks like his son are vulnerable and endangered by “majoritarian bandits.” Coates desperately wants his son to be able to live “apart from fear—even apart from me.”

This moving, potent testament might have been titled “Black Lives Matter.” Or: “An American Tragedy.”

Pub Date: July 8, 2015

ISBN: 978-0-8129-9354-7

Page Count: 176

Publisher: Spiegel & Grau

Review Posted Online: May 5, 2015

Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 1, 2015

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