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I’M DOWN by Mishna Wolff

I’M DOWN

A Memoir

by Mishna Wolff

Pub Date: May 26th, 2009
ISBN: 978-0-312-37855-4
Publisher: St. Martin's

A humorist and former model recalls growing up gifted and white in a poor, predominantly black neighborhood.

In the early 1970s, Wolff and her parents, all Caucasian, moved back to her father’s childhood neighborhood, Rainier Valley in south Seattle. The neighborhood had changed from white to black, and her father decided that the family should be black too. “He strutted around with a short perm, a Cosby-esque sweater, gold chains, and a Kangol,” writes the author, “telling jokes like Redd Fox and giving advice like Jesse Jackson.” Wolff’s mother soon tired of the project and divorced her father. At age seven or eight, Wolff says, she was terrible at acting black, and she became a source of constant irritation and disappointment to her father. She could not dance, sing or even jump rope, and she displayed weakness in a tough neighborhood. Just as she discovered she was good at something black—rapid-fire insults along the lines of “Your mama’s so fat…” or “You’re so ugly…”—her mother transferred her to a school for gifted children (all of them white and rich). So started Wolff’s perilous journey of self-identity. The blackness of her neighborhood only made her feel out of place at school, and the whiteness of her school only alienated her from her father and the black woman he married, to the point where she moved out to live with her mother. By age 12 she was a mess, suffering from insomnia, migraines and a deep anxiety that she would always be poor and never have “a lucrative anesthesia practice like all my friends.” Over time, Wolff found some balance. Even her father, in a lovingly told final episode, gave her what she most wanted—his acceptance.

Deftly and hilariously delineates the American drama of race and class for one little girl.