BEFORE YOU WERE EVERYTHING

In this combination of memoir and self-help guide, Fort-Marshall reflects on love, persistence, and staying true to oneself.

The author grew up in her grandmother’s home on Jackson Avenue in San Jose, California; it was a relatively small physical universe, but one that fueled an imagination “not bound to geography, gender, or the restrictive realm of ‘impossibility.’” In Fort-Marshall’s engrossing depictions of the home, which welcomed her various aunts and up to 11 children at different times, she was exposed to adults so effusive in the ways they talked about humor, food, and heartbreak that the author had little interest in children her own age. Left in her grandmother’s care after her mother’s divorce and flight from an abusive relationship, Fort-Marshall describes a life of contradictions in which she learned to hold space for “both incense and gospel.” Later essays move through her unraveling marriage, a return to dating, motherhood, work, and her bout with breast cancer. Each new chapter, introduced by a meal and list of songs she would pair with the writing, thrums with sharply observed humor and acute self-awareness as the author begins with one memory before taking readers somewhere unexpected. Job losses, births, trips to Ghana, and dates-gone-wrong mesh together, supporting her tightly constructed reflections and self-help advice about recognizing when one is “mistaking adaptability for authenticity.” This loose, freewheeling structure is one of the work’s greatest strengths. Fort-Marshall condenses entire years into a few simple observations before lingering on a single image with striking clarity. She imbues nearly every sentence with something memorable, whether she’s succinctly capturing motherhood (which she says “has never been only [about] love. It’s also [about] fear”) or describing the haunting experience of fearing how the world would react to her beautiful Black son when he held a replica rifle as part of a color guard. Readers willing to surrender themselves to her essays’ unusual rhythms will be rewarded by their efficiency and power. Fort-Marshall’s own description of the book feels exactly right: “It’s not even a memoir. It’s a friend. It’s a late-night conversation.”

A warm, funny, and deeply perceptive reflection on identity, family, and resilience.