A CAREGIVER'S LOVE STORY

In this memoir, retired critical care nurse Attwater looks at her marriage and her role as her husband’s devoted caregiver.

The author met her spouse in Sacramento, California, in 1992. She was a 41-year-old registered nurse who’d also opened a yarn and knitting store; Bill Attwater was 53 and the chief counsel for California’s Water Resources Control Board. They came from different backgrounds—hers financially troubled, his well-to-do—and she was initially apprehensive about beginning a relationship with him, but he courted her with joyful enthusiasm; they married after a little more than a year. After several more years, she closed her yarn shop, and later, Bill decided to retire, and the couple purchased a large house on Whidbey Island in Washington state. A few years later, their medical problems began—first hers, then his. She breezes through her account of her own multiple surgeries, although readers do learn that a fractured vertebra from a fall caused constant pain. She’s more specific about Bill’s aneurysm, surgery, and increasing difficulty walking. Although they alternated caring for each other, the physical and mental tolls of arduous island winters left the author depleted and depressed, so they moved back to Sacramento; she writes, “I believe the move saved us both.” The bulk of this memoir/reference guide for caregivers offers a comprehensive depiction of Bill’s gradual but steady decline. The work is written in a staccato, just-the-facts style, spiced with a bit of edginess. Each chapter includes a lesson to aid readers, such as “Trust Each Other for Understanding and Strength When All Around You Appears Chaotic.” Overall, readers will find Attwater to be a knowledgeable guide through complicated medical terminology and confusing health care protocols, which become routine when dealing with long-term illness. She’s clearly an expert on the challenges of being a 24/7 “hypervigilant” caregiver, and she shares many coping tools for helping loved ones safely maintain their personal agency and involvement in critical decision-making; she also aims to help readers protect their own physical and mental well-being.  

A useful, personal tutorial for those caring for ill loved ones.