LOVE AND ANGER

Longtime director of Parent Guidance Workshops, Samalin here offers practical advice on coping with anger when dealing with children. Her take-home message is that feeling angry is okay; acting in anger is something else again. With the writing help of Whitney (Uncommon Lives, 1990), Samalin presents specific problems parents have related to her and offers techniques that have worked for others. Readers will recognize the situations, identify with the anger and anguish of both children and parents, wince at the mistakes parents make, and even laugh out loud (kids do say the darndest things). Although Samalin focuses on everyday problems of ordinary parents, she also tackles special situations, such as those faced by divorced parents and parents of disabled children. (Abusive parents are referred to other sources for help.) There are no promises here of instant success and no guarantees that every suggestion will work with every child every time, but the tone is reassuring, and the chance to share the experiences of other less-than-perfect parents is, as always, comforting. Parental anger is not the only issue discussed; advice is also given on coping with the anger of children toward parents, siblings, and peers. Samalin stresses that children, like adults, have a right to feel angry and that the job of the parent is to help the child find acceptable ways to express anger. A well-written, heartening guide for the parent who needs help in handling anger.