CALLING OUT THE SHADOWS

A father reflects on lessons learned from a crumbling marriage and contentious divorce in this memoir.

“Vulnerability demands exposure,” writes Winsomer, who surveys the “feelings, pain, humility, and the humiliation” he experienced during a bitter divorce from his wife, “Anya.” Originally conceived as a letter to his daughter, “Zoey” (both names are pseudonyms), this memoir traces the ways in which poor communication, lack of accountability, and building resentments converged within their “broken family” and doubles as a manual for moving on and thriving after the trauma of divorce. Told through a series of nonchronological vignettes, the deliberately scattered narrative effectively evokes the many conflicting emotions that can arise at the end of a long-term relationship. A lack of mutual understanding between the author and Anya is a recurring theme throughout the book, as when Winsomer describes a period in which he became curious about Christianity; per the author, his exploration of faith was met with disdain and derisive comments. Winsomer recounts that what he saw as invitations for his daughter “to be curious alongside [him]” were construed by his wife as nefarious attempts at indoctrination. The author is particularly adept at identifying the ways in which children complicate divorce proceedings, noting that it was impossible to fully distance himself from the toxic relationship with Anya because the two had to maintain communication as they navigated the court-ordered parenting plan. As a primer for fathers going through divorce, the book offers pragmatic advice on handling lawyers and legal proceedings, deescalating high-stress situations, and documenting grievances without letting emotions take over. Winsomer also offers advice to the children of divorced parents, emphasizing the importance of finding value and identity within oneself and prioritizing mental and emotional health. While this is good advice, the book’s remit as a memoir and guidebook for both divorcees and children may be too broad (the text comes in at nearly 500 pages); the work’s emotional poignancy can get lost in the genre-blending format.

A disjointed reflection on divorce whose effectiveness is hindered by competing objectives.