SINGLE BUT DATING

A debut guide offers safe and effective dating strategies for the single woman.

In this highly modern take on female singlehood, Goldstein, a well-known Australian doctor of human sexuality who also has a background in family mediation, asks her readers to examine their own histories, desires, and motives as they embrace the “single but dating” lifestyle. As a not traditionally “paired” but sexually active woman, the author noticed that the “single” designation often seemed to elicit pity or shame, but none of the other options (in Facebook parlance, In a Relationship, Married, or It’s Complicated) applied either. She presents the term SBD as shorthand for a lifestyle in which a woman is actively engaged in relationships with the opposite sex. This can include sexual encounters that are extremely casual as well as others that move more slowly and/or have more emotional involvement. Goldstein speaks from experience. Beyond her doctorate and family mediation career, she also personally explored the SBD life and her own perspectives on it, ultimately undergoing important growth and finding a long-term, fulfilling relationship. The book conveys the convincing message that SBD women will do well to seek true self-confidence by understanding their own conditioning, wants, and needs and by learning how to communicate honestly and adroitly with potential or actual partners. This frank and detailed guide succeeds at delivering a balanced discussion of many relationship types, sexual pleasures, and common-sense cautions. A diverse array of often skirted topics—such as sexually transmitted diseases, masturbation, pregnancy risk, egg freezing, and sexual fantasies—is deftly handled alongside considerations of how to communicate meaningfully, avoid dangerous personality types, move on after a breakup, and recognize the readiness for a serious relationship. The first several chapters provide useful exercises in self-exploration, such as jotting down “shoulds” and “should nots” of dating and identifying external sources of these expectations (for example, family, friends, or media). Social media and communication via texting and even sexting, realities of today’s dating scene, are covered skillfully and extensively as well.

Savvy, contemporary, and worthwhile advice on the many facets of the dating life for women.