I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE

In this debut memoir, a father’s death reunites a mother and daughter but reignites familial tensions.

Gay remembers with precise detail the moment that her father was escorted out of her family’s Florida house, strapped to a stretcher. It was 1963, and the author was 18 years old, home from college for Thanksgiving. Gay’s father had suffered a mental breakdown that would forever change the family dynamic. For years to follow, her dad underwent treatment, including electroshock therapy, and was in and out of hospitals. Later, in the 1990s, while on sabbatical from her professorship in upstate New York, Gay flew down to Florida to spend time with her mother while her father spent his final days in assisted living. The author, the youngest child in a family with three other siblings, attempted to pick up the pieces of her fractured family after her father’s death and help her ailing mother. She came to recognize her mother’s hardships throughout her life—as a young child abandoned by both parents, and as a wife in a challenging marriage—and attempted to rebuild her relationships with her siblings. Meanwhile, her mother dealt with her grief by drinking and closing herself off from her children. Gay is a perceptive and compassionate narrator who manages to explore the gaps in everyone’s stories, including her own. As an English scholar and professor, she demonstrates a firm knowledge of how memoirs can be unreliable records of the past. She uses poetry, journal entries, and literary epigraphs to create an engaging metanarrative that explores how writing was vital to her process of overcoming trauma. She also writes of how she took on the task of breaking “the cycle of family dysfunction” and continued to reach out to her siblings after their mother’s death.

A tender, astute remembrance of overcoming grief and coming to terms with a parent’s flaws.