MORE THAN JUST TALK

DeNucci presents a book of stories and strategies designed to improve conversations.

The author, a conference speaker, is quick to assure her readers that her new guide is “NOT a book that will try to transform you into a flitty social butterfly or a dashing bon vivant who strives to be the life of the party.” In these pages, she advocates for employing an array of approaches to improve real, meaningful conversations of the type that can “help us uncover common (or contrasting) backgrounds, interests, experiences, beliefs, and connections.” Each chapter of her book includes many stories drawn from the experiences of her friends in various social and personal encounters and ends with discussion questions (“How does it feel for you to rehash fond memories and mutual experiences with colleagues, classmates, friends, or family members?”), leaving space for readers to write their answers. DeNucci explains that, while improved conversations can obviously benefit family and work situations, research has also tied better socializing to higher levels of physical health. This makes it all the more concerning that, according to a United States Bureau of Labor Statistics survey, the average person spends less than an hour socializing in an average day. The author discusses several of the most obvious culprits for this dire situation, from chronic overwork to rampant distraction fueled by the Internet and social media. As one of her inset quips puts it, “The best conversations are interesting and uninterrupted. Too bad most of us haven't had one of those since 1997.”

Throughout, even as she describes societal obstacles that seem insurmountable (most especially the ubiquitous practice dubbed “phubbing”: “ignoring one’s companion or companions in order to pay attention to one’s phone or electronic device”), DeNucci maintains a cheerful, upbeat tone. She is always open-minded and candid when she confesses that she shares some of the faults she describes—there are no attempts to lecture or criticize. Instead, she adopts a tone of “we’re-all-in-this-together” amusement over the state of modern communication. “Think of all the things people feel compelled to do and say online that they’d never do or say in person!” she writes; “Kind of mind-boggling.” This has the cumulative effect of making her authorial voice feel like that of an older sibling or sympathetic coach. This quality is particularly convincing in the book’s section focusing on being a good listener, which the author puts forth as a key to making good conversation. She effectively describes the benefits of listening in a monologue-obsessed online culture and gives readers tips on strengthening this often-overlooked skill. Readers who’ve been increasingly frustrated either by society’s degraded conversational priorities or their own discomfort with meaningful socializing will find DeNucci an enthusiastically supportive presence on the page, assuring readers that they are not alone and that improvement is possible. The author’s combination of good cheer and straight talk (“if you insist on being the smartest person in the room,” she writes, “you just might end up being the only person in the room”) will make this book invaluable to conversationalists at all levels of expertise.

An energetic and optimistic game plan for achieving better socializing through better talk.