12 DAYS OF RICHARD SIMMONS

Get ready to become a holiday sweater.

And of course we mean sweater as in “one who perspires” because Simmons, the home-aerobics guru who brought us Sweatin’ to the Oldies, returns with a holiday-themed book designed to promote healthy living. The book parodies “The Twelve Days of Christmas” but with a shift in lyrics: “On the fifth day / of fitness, / my true love sent to me... / FIVE DOLPHIN SHORTS! // Four Healthy Meals / Three DVD Sets, / Two Double Touches, / and a Healthy Way / to start the day!” Caregivers may have to explain some parts of the book to young readers, such as what dolphin shorts are, what a DVD is, what double touches are, and who Simmons is. While that may seem laborious, it’s OK, because young readers really aren’t going to read this anyway. The graphics feature promotional images of Simmons from various points in his career—a few of which will make readers appreciate how far Photoshop has come—with clip-art holiday additions, like a Santa hat or a candy cane. A few photos are reused in the book, which cheapens the overall effect. This title is perfect if you’re in need of a funny gift for a white elephant present swap or if you’re looking for a great gift for a camp-loving adult friend. Hopefully, they’ll gift you a book that will appeal to children. (This book was reviewed digitally.)

It’s 12 days too many.