THE BOOK YOU WANT EVERYONE YOU LOVE TO READ

Guidance for personal growth.

Perry, a British psychotherapist, advice columnist, and author of The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, draws on her experiences with patients and letter-writers to offer guidance about developing self-awareness to help navigate trials and difficulties. “What I hope this book will do,” she writes, “is help you understand your own early adaptations and belief systems, and be more aware of where they are serving you and where they may need updating.” Recognizing the myriad issues that individuals face, she organizes the book into four sections: how we love, how we argue, how we change, and how we find contentment, which she defines as “being satisfied with your life.” Each chapter includes letters from troubled men and women, which elicit her analyses of behaviors and views that undermine well-being. Overall, she emphasizes understanding and empathy, rather than blame and resentment. “If you look at others’ actions in a positive rather than a negative light,” she counsels, “you can get different meanings from them.” She encourages speaking “in ‘I’ statements, which define your own experience, and not ‘You’ statements, which are a judgment on the other person.” Throughout the book, she punctuates explanations with pithy nuggets she calls “Everyday wisdom.” One example: “If you have to choose between guilt and resentment, choose guilt. You will discover that your world does not fall apart.” Among the issues she discusses are disappointment in love and marriage; frustrations with jobs; isolation and loneliness; stress and anxiety; silencing one’s inner critic; and dealing with loss, grief, and aging. She examines three ways of coping with adversity—thinking, feeling, and doing—and she encourages readers to try to understand another’s perspective, rather than impose their own. In relationships, “to surrender to another person is a risk and an act of love. Surrendering means losing your ego, letting go of controlling behavior, and having faith that what will be, will be.”

A wise companion for life’s challenges.