TOUGHLOVE by Phyllis; David York & Ted Wachtel York


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Phyllis and David York decided not to post bail for their daughter when she was arrested for armed robbery--of a drug dealer. Her arrest was the last episode in a series of defiant gestures, angry outbursts, and illegal acts that had plagued the family; and when the Yorks sent friends to see their daughter and give her advice rather than going themselves, they began what became the Toughlove family-support program. Their book explains the program and illustrates how it works; it's not a self-help guide. Toughlove begins with ""The Ten Beliefs""--among them ""Parents Are People Too,"" ""Kids Are Not Equal,"" ""Blame and blaming stop you from changing,"" and ""Support is a necessary ingredients for change."" Family groups provide support for parents who decide that they can no longer tolerate drug or alcohol abuse, running away, physical abuse, or school-related problems. One family decided that they wouldn't let their son stay at home if he came in drunk five more times; five days later, he was staying with another Toughlove family that had volunteered to see that he got professional help. A full-fledged Toughlove program also calls for district attorneys, probation officers, and other community personnel to work with parents so teenagers ""actually experience consequences for their negative actions."" Though the authors provide some pointers on starting a group, they advocate attendance at Toughlove Weekend Workshops to assure effectiveness. For those partial to such an approach: a straightforward, if occasionally self-serving, presentation.

Pub Date: Oct. 8th, 1982
ISBN: 0553267833
Publisher: Doubleday