THE ART OF FIGHTING

A facilitator/strategic adviser shows how group conflict is not only “healthy” but also holds the key to a community’s long-term well-being and success.

For Parker (The Art of Gathering, 2018), conflict is neither an “annoyance [nor] a distraction.” Harnessed well, it can be “an engine of creativity and reformation” for relationships and communities. She begins by offering a three-part model of the conflict life cycle. The first phase involves the “tear” that a fight creates within a community. Using examples drawn from her conflict-management work, she shows how and when these breaks happen within a group. Whether the tears are “kerfuffles, hairline fractures, brawls, [or] rifts,” the first include locating the “relational longing” or “residual desire…to connect” at the heart of the conflict and a group’s “capital N need” that must be addressed. The second phase involves community members actively grappling with the issues that gave rise to the conflict. While dialogue is important, the actual confrontation itself must be tailored to suit existing group dynamics. The author writes that rather than being a Band-Aid, a fight is “a surgery” that must be carefully planned. She calls the final phase the “cleaving” period, where a community decides whether the rift can be overcome or if the conflict indicates that community members should part ways. Either path will involve ending the group or certain aspects of it. This in turn will require thoughtful closings “not just for the people leaving, but for [those] who remain.” Readable, intelligent and relatable, Parker’s book offers an intelligent framework for understanding conflict as a clarifying—though at times uncomfortable—pathway to enhanced community connection.

An exceptional guide for any group seeking ways to transform conflict into an occasion for positive growth.