The title might have served well for Mr. Goldman's confessions which is one of Mr. Schoenstein's targets here as well as certain pillars on the old Pennsylvania plantation. Hopping off into realms of power to become the biographer of Mr. Johnson's dogs, Mr. Schoenstein has his first (back) view of the Eminence: ""I had once met Mayor Impelliteri, but this was clearly a new high."" Most corrosive to the creative spirit in the alabaster city was Liz Carpenter (""a convex little woman...twice cited by Time for distinguished public relations boners."") On to weeks of fruitless negotiations and dashed hopes ending with an aborted manuscript yclept for publication, ""The Carpenter Papers,"" with Miss Carpenter's cuts obviously under the influence of a harvest moon. Too meagre in the marrow for sustained hilarity, but there is a kibble or two of merriment and Al Hirschfeld's drawings help considerably.