SWEETIE’S DIAMONDS
by Raymond Benson
Meet my mom, the porn star.
When Greg Boston opts out of marriage, his schoolteacher wife Diane and teenaged son David downsize to a smaller apartment. Unfortunately, when unpacking their things, David and a friend find XXX-rated porn tapes, grainy old black and-white stuff featuring one Lucy Lee, who looks a lot like a younger Diane. Also unfortunately, David’s friend tells his dad, who tells the school board, who fire Diane. The press goes wild; Greg sues for custody of David; and California porn impresario Aaron Valentine and his muscle Emo Tuff hear all about it and come hunting Diane, the former star who left their employ years ago with a bagful of their high-quality diamonds. The ensuing casualties include Greg, a porn star turned entrepreneur, and two diamond-merchant brothers, one in New York, one in Chicago. A 1980 lesbian love affair comes to light along with a slaughter in a Van Nuys warehouse. Nick Belgrad, a former Israeli supersleuth, steps in to avenge the brothers. Drugs, torture, abuse and more death follow, to the glee of tabloid reporter Darren Marshall. And there’ll be a twist or two before Diane puts the past behind her and begins anew with David and Nick.
Can you imagine a nun advocating a withdrawal of life support? Newcomer Benson can, and that’s the least of his inanities. Skippable and then some.