LOVE CAN BE FOUND: A Guide to the Most Desired and Most Elusive Emotion

Father and son, clinician and humanist, describe seven kinds of love in terms which vary from cogent to questionable, based on the authority of eminent writers and their own shared opinions. At the outset Arieti and Arieti distinguish different forms of love (and also explore the fears that prevent their realization): family love--a biological beginning that establishes the pattern for later attachments; love for others and for oneself; love for work--i.e., the feeling of accomplishment from activity; love of God, or of some absolute standard of perfection; and love of life. But the erotic/romantic love between man and woman, or more specifically between husband and wife, is the cornerstone of their scheme (there's no place for homosexual love at all) and it is this relationship that gets the most attention. Their construct leans toward the humanism of Erich Fromm and Rollo May; some may find it unduly optimistic, with its emphasis on the ubiquity of love and the regenerative powers of psychotherapy. Although the authors call on an impressive array of western writers for support--Plato, Shakespeare, Freud--much of their thesis is based on the clinical experience of Dr. Silvano Arieti (1975 NBA winner), and these generalizations are open to argument (""Whereas many young men give priority to the pursuit of a career, many women are most of all concerned with searching for love""). Often the prose shows the strain of joint collaboration: the imprecisions are perplexing and the attempts at metaphor largely unsuccessful (of Schopenhauer--""A giant of the intellect, he was a dwarf in the realm of love""). The Arietis have approached one of those virtually impossible subjects with far more thoughfulness than the pop psychologists; although their conclusions are controversial, they are consistent and consistently provoking and guaranteed serious consideration.