THE ADVENTURES OF DON JUAN

Whenever little Don Juan is ill, his mother gives him an enema. The boy grows up wanting to give mama an enema. When he's sixteen he's nearly swived by his lustful grandmama. But Don Juan's stones are late-ripening, his adolescence delayed. At last, masturbation brings forth ""curdled hot gobs of jittering protoplasm,"" and Don Juan is ready for several hundred pages of carnal over-indulgence. During the course of countless couplings, he marries, but runs off with a gypsy and her tribe. The gypsy demands that he give her the double whammy (mirroring spasms) and poor Don Juan vainly keeps seeking their mighty mutual golden climax as she fishes him nightly toward marriage. Brought to trial before the Inquisition, he's condemned to be burnt at the stake. The statue of the Commander whom he'd killed comes alive on its horse and descends to carry Don Juan off into the flames but -- he is of course saved to swive again. Genteel porno, full of cutesy euphemism -- an aid for gristle-grinding and the solo whammy.