ASSHOLE

A music industry executive comes to terms with childhood trauma in this debut memoir.

The book opens in 1992 with author Tonkin bumping into actor Jack Nicholson at a New Year’s Eve party full of Hollywood elites in Aspen, Colorado. However, even at the peak of his entertainment-industry career, he writes, “I felt like an outsider, accepted into their circles but still not one of them.” This vignette sets the tone for the rest of the book, which juxtaposes his star-studded career with profound internalized trauma, self-doubt, and depression. Tonkin, who grew up during a golden era of rock music during 1960s and ’70s, had achieved every music lover’s dream: He’d produced concert films for such groups as the Rolling Stones and the Cranberries and spearheaded production of the Honda Civic Tour that featured the Black Eyed Peas and One Direction, among other bands. However, although the book contains many celebrity anecdotes, it’s fundamentally an engaging, deeply personal story of how the author’s trauma fueled his drive. The book covers his early years as a rebellious, individualistic kid with an overbearing father—a dynamic that many readers will find familiar. Then, the memoir takes a dark turn as Tonkin tells of befriending a local radio deejay at the age of 14, who later sexually abused him; he also writes of later abuse by a radio program director. Both men, he says, took advantage of his vulnerability and his strained relationship with his family. Tonkin notes that he would spend decades “self-medicating, misreading, avoiding, [and] blaming myself” while transforming into a self-described “asshole”: “Somewhere on the path to adulthood, navigating the turbulent waters of youth, he lost his way. He made mistakes, screwed people over, and, ultimately, earned that unsettling ‘asshole’ label.” The book’s final chapters effectively center on his journey towards healing and self-acceptance. The story also firmly serves as a testament to the power of music to provide important catharsis. Each of its 52 chapter titles are inspired by a classic rock song, and intriguing references to rock lyrics and musicians abound throughout the book’s emotionally intimate narrative.

A poignant exploration of the lasting effects of abuse.