An affecting portrayal of caring for a terminally ill spouse.
A husband’s account of his wife’s courageous battle with Lou Gehrig’s disease—and his joys and sorrows as her primary caregiver.
The inspiration for Lee’s debut memoir began when his wife, Terri, began extensively researching amyotrophic lateral sclerosis after her diagnosis with the disease. Lee met Terri in his native Jamaica in 1988, and the couple, both in their 30s, instantly hit it off. They married in 1990 and had two sons. Their family life was idyllic until Terri began experiencing a strange loss of coordination in her early 40s. Lee carefully maps the 12-year progression of Terri’s ALS—from her dropping things to using a walker to becoming wheelchair-bound. Against doctors’ advice, he refused to put her in a nursing facility. Lee was highly sensitive to his wife’s emotions, and he tried to make her feel attractive, even while he performed medical tasks. Lee also candidly reveals his failings, such as the times he made Terri wait for something she needed while he watched television, and the resulting regret as well as his recognition of his own extreme exhaustion. Throughout it all, his connection with his wife intensified: “It had gotten to the point where I would just know, somehow, exactly what she needed and when. I could literally look at her and feel that her left forearm needed to be rubbed, or that the spot on her head just above her ear needed to be scratched.” He movingly renders his bleakest moments, like the time he caught Terri online researching suicide, and his triumphs, such as helping her alleviate some symptoms with a healthy diet. Terri regained her ability to communicate when the ALS Association loaned her a free DynaVox Eyemax computer, which she also used to say her final goodbyes. The memoir moves quickly, and Lee’s prose is effective and unadorned: “To this day I can’t remember what she wore, or whether she sat or remained standing. I remember only her smile.” Those who are new to ALS may find a chapter on “Health Tips and Observations” helpful.
An affecting portrayal of caring for a terminally ill spouse.Pub Date: Feb. 6, 2015
ISBN: 978-1504325288
Page Count: 236
Publisher: BalboaPress
Review Posted Online: May 22, 2015
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
BOOK REVIEW
Doyle offers another lucid, inspiring chronicle of female empowerment and the rewards of self-awareness and renewal.
More life reflections from the bestselling author on themes of societal captivity and the catharsis of personal freedom.
In her third book, Doyle (Love Warrior, 2016, etc.) begins with a life-changing event. “Four years ago,” she writes, “married to the father of my three children, I fell in love with a woman.” That woman, Abby Wambach, would become her wife. Emblematically arranged into three sections—“Caged,” “Keys,” “Freedom”—the narrative offers, among other elements, vignettes about the soulful author’s girlhood, when she was bulimic and felt like a zoo animal, a “caged girl made for wide-open skies.” She followed the path that seemed right and appropriate based on her Catholic upbringing and adolescent conditioning. After a downward spiral into “drinking, drugging, and purging,” Doyle found sobriety and the authentic self she’d been suppressing. Still, there was trouble: Straining an already troubled marriage was her husband’s infidelity, which eventually led to life-altering choices and the discovery of a love she’d never experienced before. Throughout the book, Doyle remains open and candid, whether she’s admitting to rigging a high school homecoming court election or denouncing the doting perfectionism of “cream cheese parenting,” which is about “giving your children the best of everything.” The author’s fears and concerns are often mirrored by real-world issues: gender roles and bias, white privilege, racism, and religion-fueled homophobia and hypocrisy. Some stories merely skim the surface of larger issues, but Doyle revisits them in later sections and digs deeper, using friends and familial references to personify their impact on her life, both past and present. Shorter pieces, some only a page in length, manage to effectively translate an emotional gut punch, as when Doyle’s therapist called her blooming extramarital lesbian love a “dangerous distraction.” Ultimately, the narrative is an in-depth look at a courageous woman eager to share the wealth of her experiences by embracing vulnerability and reclaiming her inner strength and resiliency.
Doyle offers another lucid, inspiring chronicle of female empowerment and the rewards of self-awareness and renewal.Pub Date: March 10, 2020
ISBN: 978-1-9848-0125-8
Page Count: 352
Publisher: Dial Books
Review Posted Online: Dec. 21, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 15, 2020
PROFILES
SEEN & HEARD
SEEN & HEARD
A vibrant, encouraging depiction of a sinister disorder.
A British novelist turns to autobiography to report the manifold symptoms and management of his debilitating disease, depression.
Clever author Haig (The Humans, 2013, etc.) writes brief, episodic vignettes, not of a tranquil life but of an existence of unbearable, unsustainable melancholy. Throughout his story, presented in bits frequently less than a page long (e.g., “Things you think during your 1,000th panic attack”), the author considers phases he describes in turn as Falling, Landing, Rising, Living, and, finally, simply Being with spells of depression. Haig lists markers of his unseen disease, including adolescent angst, pain, continual dread, inability to speak, hypochondria, and insomnia. He describes his frequent panic attacks and near-constant anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure. Haig also assesses the efficacy of neuroscience, yoga, St. John’s wort, exercise, pharmaceuticals, silence, talking, walking, running, staying put, and working up the courage to do even the most seemingly mundane of tasks, like visiting the village store. Best for the author were reading, writing, and the frequent dispensing of kindnesses and love. He acknowledges particularly his debt to his then-girlfriend, now-wife. After nearly 15 years, Haig is doing better. He appreciates being alive and savors the miracle of existence. His writing is infectious though sometimes facile—and grammarians may be upset with the writer’s occasional confusion of the nominative and objective cases of personal pronouns. Less tidy and more eclectic than William Styron’s equally brief, iconic Darkness Visible, Haig’s book provides unobjectionable advice that will offer some help and succor to those who experience depression and other related illnesses. For families and friends of the afflicted, Haig’s book, like Styron’s, will provide understanding and support.
A vibrant, encouraging depiction of a sinister disorder.Pub Date: Feb. 23, 2016
ISBN: 978-0-14-312872-4
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Penguin
Review Posted Online: Nov. 3, 2015
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2015
SEEN & HEARD
Readers Donate Depression Book After Star Suicide
© Copyright 2024 Kirkus Media LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Follow
Popular in this Genre
We can’t wait for you to join Kirkus!
It’s free and takes less than 10 seconds!
Already have an account? Log in.
OR
Sign in with GoogleTrouble signing in? Retrieve credentials.
Welcome Back!
OR
Sign in with GoogleTrouble signing in? Retrieve credentials.
bookshelf
