A FRENCH FINISH

One of those capers that reads like a screenplay nobody wanted--complete with flip-tough-cool-naughty William Goldman dialogue, location shooting (London, Paris, Low Countries), and a rating somewhere between PG and R. Unemployed Harvard fine arts grads Nick and Wren cute their way into the octogenarian heart of frailbut-hip Lewis Tewksbury, retired prof and Time-cover art historian, and the gang heads for Europe to commission a forgery of a Louis XVI bureau du roi. It turns out that they're horning in on a master-crook's territory, but, being clever, brave, and lucky enough to thwart all opposition, they fool the art world fuddy-duddies, adopt each other, and settle down in a millionairish menage a trois. Too bad none of the three is remotely likable. Even with the novelty of no killings and furniture details that seem nicely authentic (inlay vs. marquetry), two brats and an old fart do not an entertainment make.