EXPLAINING THE INEXPLICABLE

In case the O.J. trial hasn't caused enough embarrassement to members of the bar, here comes The Rodent to finish the job. The Rodentan L.A. (of course) attorney whose identity remains on deepest backgroundgained his reputation among his colleagues with an in-house newsletter. Now he's taking the law poop public. The Rodent will tell you ``everything you ever wanted to know about the legal profession but didn't want to be charged $250 an hour to find out.'' Beginning at the beginning, he informs us that lawyers are born, not made (rather than Cowboys and Indians, they play Plaintiffs and Defendants); he shares the secrets behind those inscrutable bills (a lawyer's hour is longer than 60 minutes); and explains law-firm lingo and ``law fibs.'' The Rodent is not imputing vile and mercenary intentions to all lawyers: He acknowledges the existence of a ``small percentage of attorneys whose purposes in practicing law are other than to become rich and contentious.'' In targeting his colleagues at the bar, The Rodent swings hard and without mercyhe must be one hell of a good lawyer.